The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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