there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
