I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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