Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
