apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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