RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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