well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
