He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
