What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
