i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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