what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
