My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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