Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
