Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
