ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
