i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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