You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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