When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
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while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
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You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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