What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
