capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
