I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
