I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
