I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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