did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
