IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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