addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
