is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
