Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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