I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
