Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
