I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
