You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
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Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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