Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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