after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
