Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
