Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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