Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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