we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
