That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
