i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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