I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
