its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You made out with two different species that night
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
