Pappa wants mamma naked
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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