He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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