i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
