He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
