I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you had me at cake vodka
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
