Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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