I accidentally burped into my bong.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
