Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
