I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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