you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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