im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
