Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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