Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
