My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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