Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
