Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
