I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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