i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
