I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
