Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
