I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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