i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
