i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
