dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
