So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
