Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
