So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
