he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
